Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
