Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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