my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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