Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
