the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
