his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
