FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
