i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
