I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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