That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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