He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
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can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
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Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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