So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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