i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
