She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
