Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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