If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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