I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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