its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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