As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
