I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
