Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
