Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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