smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
