You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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