hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Can you bring me the toilet please
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
