sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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