Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
