I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
whose parrot is this?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
