So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
