her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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