if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
