The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
