If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
