I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
