Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
