it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
