she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
