playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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