I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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