i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
