literally had 100 drinks last night.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
