3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
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and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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