God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i think im in europe. pls send help
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