Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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