sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
