y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
