girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
