Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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