It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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