His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
