Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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