Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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