I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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