I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Green mimosas i think yes
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
