Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
