I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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