somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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