Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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