help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
