i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
