The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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