C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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