the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
