Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
