dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My bed smells like the plague
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
