May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
