I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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