Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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