The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
