my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
