I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
