Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
