I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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