the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Randomize
