im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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