He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
