god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
