True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
