:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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