All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
