I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
