My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
