Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
