why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
