and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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