Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
